I've Screwed Up

DAY 78/90
Phase 3, Week 12, Routine -

Weight Loss Stats:
Weight 280.6 lbs - Loss 20 - %Loss 6.63%

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I've messed up. I've really messed things up. I knew that getting back with my ex would derail my efforts, but thinking with "my other head" led me astray as always. It's been 5 weeks since I got back with her, and I managed to train - really train - for only 1 of those 5 weeks. The rest of the time, I'm sad to say, was spent battling a nagging case of the flu/cold and indulging in bad food. I take some measure of comfort in the fact that exercise (or the lack thereof) was constantly on my mind. I persisitently beat myself up about not training, turning my diet to shit, and failing to post to my blog. I cursed myself for breaking that wonderful routine I had followed for 6 straight weeks only to now waste my days with a woman I've struggled to get out of my life for nearly two years.

We go together like oil and water. Together, we make a toxic blend that benefits neither one. It is a relationship of convenience and co-dependency. And we bring out only the worst in each other. The only thing that keeps us together is the sizzling sexual chemistry we share. She, a HOT 40-year-old mother of two in her sexual prime. Me, a 33-year-old douchebag with a hyperactive sexual drive. Mix us together and the sparks fly! I now see why Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore are still together.

But our getting together was only one in a long series of failures. You see, we had both made a New Year's pact to end our relationship for good. But willpower faltered after only less than two months. This set off a chain reaction with me first coming down with the flu (courtesy our first kiss) during the week of February 16th - week #7 in my training program. I "copped out" by choosing not to train that week in order to let my health improve. Next, I reasoned: "Well, it would be bad to calorie-restrict myself while sick, right? Soooooo...I think all the wholesome milk and eggs that went into making that chocolate cake will do me plenty of good. Have at it!!!"

This was all it took to throw me off my rhythm. What has made it all the more difficult is the fact that a major goal of my program was that I stay the course for the entire 6 months. That is, that I never miss a workout or cheat on my diet. This is obviously no longer possible: I've now done both. To compound matters, I got naseous while attempting to train at the park last Friday the 13th (figures, huh?) and I've been sick with nagging cold symptoms ever since. It's gotten to the point where I'm getting real concerned about my health and am wondering if it's even a cold at all. I've just spend the last 2 hours searching the internet for similar symptoms and have eliminated everything from strep throat to Lyme disease! I may have to man-up and go to the doctor if this persists much longer.

But now back to my training. What do I do now? I attempted a sandbag workout this afternoon with my training buddy, Rob, but felt excessively tired afterward.





I wanted to follow that up with another session at home, but I was too tired to even attempt it.

The one bright spot in all this? That would be the fact I gained only 5 pounds after nearly two weeks of pigging out! I couldn't believe the scale this morning!

Still, how do you get back on the horse when the horse is dragging you with your boot caught in the stirrup? I gained hope with the words Rob said to me today: "You only fail if you give up." The fact is, there is still enough time to get very close to my goal weight come July 4th.

I am faced with a very simple choice: go back, or keep moving forward despite the setback. Simple indeed.