Lack of Focus, Women, & The Flu

Week 7 was by far the biggest challenge I've yet faced. A spur-of-the-moment decision to visit an ex-girlfriend resulted in us getting back together. This is bad. Very bad. Ours is a mutually destructive relationship based on crippling co-dependency and ravenous, wall-busting fights. As proof of just how bad this woman is for me, as a token of her affection, she gave me a severe case of the flu after our first night together! That put me out of commission all of week 7. It would have been worse, much worse, had it not been for the fact that I barely ate while sick and lost an astounding 9 pounds in one week - allowing me to meet my weight loss goals for the month!

Still, I regret ever showing up at her front door. We do nothing but waste entire days lounging and talking - not-to-mention our fondness for food and inactivity, and together we are a perfect recipe for disaster. We derail each others' lives and I fear she may derail my goals if I'm not careful.

To be honest, I can't blame all the missed workouts on her or influenza, however. I used the time as an excuse to "detrain" a bit - get away from daily training for a little while with the hopes I'd come back better and stronger for week 8. Unfortunately, week 8 didn't turn out much better. I trained maybe 2 or 3 days the entire week preferring instead to waste my days with her. I also cheated on my diet several times. Luckily, never enough to actually gain any significant weight. Still, the fact I've eaten these forbidden foods means I've already failed to meet my goal of eating clean 100% of the time for 6 months. Also, the fact I missed so many workouts without an illness to blame it on, has affected me strongly.

Phase 3 of the program began this week (week 9) and I'm committed to getting back on track. In fact, yesterday, I noticed a large increase in strength. I managed to do 25 perfect push-ups - something I've never been able to do before. So, it seems the time off wasn't entirely bad, but I'm more concerned about the harm it's done psychologically. Having gotten away from my rythm, how do I find a way to recapture it? My entire program was based on never missing a workout or cheating on my diet regardless of the excuse. Now, how do I continue after my streak has ended?

I realized today that this is all part and parcel to making fitness a lifestyle and not just something you do in fits and spurts. You have to overcome the tendency to return to old, familiar behavior and fight the loss of focus and motivation that often happens when you're working towards something difficult and worthwhile. In my case, I simply have too much riding on it to fail. I cannot face family, friends, and you guys if I did fail. Deep down, the desire is still there. There remains that unflinching internal conviction that my goals WILL BE MET! It is a drive bigger than myself pushing me, even dragging me along this path to personal growth. The time has come for me to climb my "Everest." So what if I stayed at a camp on my way to the summit for a couple of weeks? At least I didn't climb back down the mountain. Now is time to strap my gear on and prepare myself for the remaining climb that lies ahead. I can see the peaks off in the distance and I know I will get there with continued diligence.