Quitting the Quitter's Mindset

I am a quitter.

I have quit on just about every thing I've ever started in my life. Heck, a big fear of mine is that I'll quit on this blog, where it will sit still, frozen in cyberspace as a constant reminder to me - and the occassional wandering blog surfer - of my failure to follow through; my inability to see things to fruition.

I can't explain it, though, the intensity of the feeling in me right now telling me that, this time, things WILL be different.

I simply know that dramatic changes will happen to me this year. I know that I am simply due for these changes to occur. I feel ready to transform - to awaken - to become the person I have always known myself to be deep inside. Come year's end, I will be ready to emerge from my chrysalis.

But this transformation has been a long time coming. I can trace the pivotal moment in my life where the "Quitter's Mindset" I've harbored for so long, first took hold. It was grade school, sixth grade to be exact, and a Holiday Chorus group I joined was to meet for practice one afternoon. My best friend, Albert, was with me as we entered the small classroom where the group met for rehersals for an upcoming holiday show. I showed up early knowing the chorus instructor would be there alone. I walked in and made my way to her desk, ready to let her know of my desire to leave the group, but before I could finish my first sentence, she abruptly cut me off and said, "I know why you're here. You don't want to sing chorus anymore, right?" I answered with a fearful, "Um...yes." "Well," she said. "If you want to leave, then leave. But, let me be clear on one thing: you will continue to give up on everything until you learn to take things seriously. Quitters never succeed."

I walked away with a sly grin on my face and laughed when I saw Albert. He stood there with a smirk on his face too, probably relieved his best friend would not do anything as "dorky" as sing in a holiday chorus at school. But, deep down inside I felt ashamed. I knew I had walked away from responsibility. I knew this woman needed every child she could to pull off a good show. And here I was turning my back on her.

Her words turned out to be prophetic.

I have never really taken anything seriously in life. I've gotten by on minimal effort. And when things do require a little effort, I walk away. I always rationalize my behavior (or is it rational-lies?) of course, but the impact to my self-esteem is immense and irreversible. This cancerous mentality also affects every area of my life. It spills into everything. Nothing is immune.

But how do you replace it with a winner's attitude? How do you reverse this self-destructive mindset and replace it with a personality that will expect, and accept, only the very best from yourself?

This will be material for another blog...time to *quit* for the night and go to sleep. :0)